A Very Wet Santa

Letitia Hanke-Ryzhkov, owner of ARS Roofing, used this whimsical poem I wrote for her in her 2012 Christmas card to her clients. She got dozens of responses—her clients loved it. It was the first time in her 16 years in the roofing business that clients had raced to comment on her card. Letitia, just so you know, is the dynamite entrepreneur who learned the roofing business up on the roof with an old pro and started her own successful roofing business serving Sonoma and Marin Counties. Learn more about her and her company at www.arsroofing.com.



‘Twas the night before Christmas and as in years before,

Guests were sleeping on sofas and mats and the floor.

Uncle Bob, on the sofa, was noisily snoring,

With such a houseful, you knew it wouldn’t be boring.

The rain coming down beat a soft little tune,

A very wet Santa would be coming by soon.

Suddenly Uncle Bob sat up with a shout,

‘Who splashed me?”, he cried. “What’s that all about?”

Alas and alack, the roof had begun to leak,

The outlook for Christmas morning seemed bleak.

But hark! What hear we, far in the distance?

ARS Roofing has come to our assistance!

Oh, joy! Jubilation! Merriment and beer,

They fix the roof and depart with a cheer.

Amazing! Unbelievable! Stupendous, we say.

There’s no doubt ARS has saved Christmas Day.




Wait, you say, it’s not Christmas, it’s Thanksgiving! Yes, yes, it’s true,
 but we have to think ahead.
    Call me now to get a custom-written verse like this in front of your
clients by Christmas.

DAYS, DAYS, and MORE DAYS

Today is 11-12-13. Think about it. It’s the only time in this century that we’ll have that exact configuration in a date. Thinking about days and dates, I looked up what official Days we have in November. It’s a full calendar. November 4th was Waiting for the Barbarians Day. Hope you had a fitting celebration. Did locks, chains, and window bars sell briskly that day?

November 1st, on a happier note, was Book Lovers Day. And today, the 12th, is National Young Readers Day. Mark your calendars. November 15th will be Clean Your Refrigerator Day. Be prepared. November 15th does double duty as I Love to Write Day. Oh, and think ahead: Warn your kids that May 10th will be Clean Up Your Room Day. Seriously.

Other interesting and important days I discovered while researching this topic: Absurdity Day, Beautiful Day, and Take a Hike Day; Backwards Day, Magic Day, and No Socks Day. While creating a true National Day requires an act of Congress, other Days are simply declared by companies and special interest groups.

We also have months, or rather, Months. November is both National Novel Writing Month AND National Pomegranate Month. With all these celebrations going on, it’s a wonder any work gets done. Not to mention planning for future Days, such as March 14th. Yes, on March 14th at 1:59, we celebrate pi. Not pie, but pi. Pi Day is the unofficial international holiday celebrating the mathematical constant pi. The value of pi is approximately equal to 3.14159…, hence March 14th at 1:59.

Looking ahead to December, we have Letter Writing Day on the 7th. In fact, the whole month is Write a Friend Month. We’ll all be ready for National Chocolate Covered Anything Day on the 16th. And I’m eagerly anticipating Look on the Bright Side Day on December 21st.

And in a calendar quirk that hasn’t happened since 1888 and won’t happen again for eons, Thanksgiving and the first day of Chanukkah coincide this year. Have a Happy Thanksgivukkah!

1. First clause doesn’t match second clause

Oh, no, not that seventh grade grammar language! I thought I left that behind in Mrs. Morell’s class! Well, yes, many people did. Here’s an example:

“When you use my services, they’ll really help you.”

What’s wrong with that sentence, other than the fact that it’s boring and colorless? The subject is “you.” The second part of the sentence must be about “you,” too. Example:

“When you use my services, you’ll find they transform your life.” Here, the “you” at the beginning matches the “you” at the end.

A more complex example: “By using integrated system techniques, the components build on each other.” Wait a minute. Who is using integrated techniques? Maybe you, maybe I, but definitely not “the components.” Say instead, “By using integrated system techniques, we make sure the components build on each other.”

2. Decorative apostrophes

An apostrophe indicates the possessive form. The cat’s paws. The priest’s robes. An apostrophe should never appear between a word and the pluralizing “s.” It’s NOT the cat’s whisker’s or the priest’s vestment’s.

3. What about it’s and its?

Ah, yes. It’s and its. They keep proofreaders in work so we’re not complaining. But here’s the secret: It’s means it is. That’s all it ever means. Its means belonging to it. So test out your sentence. If you can substitute it is for it’s, you’ve got it right. If not, you don’t.

4. Sally and I? Sally and me?

Which is it? Depends. Sally and I went to the workshop together. The workshop leader gave Sally and me some handouts. Got it? Here’s how to test the second sentence, the one that trips people up: When you take out “Sally and,” does the sentence still work? The workshop leader gave me some handouts? Yes. The workshop leader gave I some handouts? No.

5. Who or whom?

Don’t read this if you’re of the opinion that whom will be gone from the English language 50 years from now. On second thought, do read it.  You want to be correct for the next 50 years, right?

Who wrote this? She did.

Whom should I ask? Ask him.

Who is speaking to me? She is.

To whom am I speaking? To him.

The clue to the correct question is in the answer. If the answer is he or she, put who in the question. If the answer is him or her, use whom. Without any fancy grammar talk about subjective case and objective case, that’s an easy test you can use. Just for the next 50 years, though.

Setting: On a writing retreat to Sausalito last summer.

I’m sitting on the deck of a houseboat overlooking the water. A gaggle of geese swims by. I can see two egrets in the shallows, stepping daintily, picking delicacies from the mud with long, slim beaks.

I’ve got my favorite mug in my hand. It’s an elephant head, and the handle is the trunk. In it is a delicious fruit smoothie. I had planned to sip it slowly, savoring each sip as I wrote. Instead, I’m munching on it. The blender here doesn’t seem to work so well. It leaves big chunks of fruit unsmoothed.

No matter. The weather is perfect, the view sublime. I don’t mind chewing my smoothie thoughtfully as I write my very first blog entries. This is going to be the summer I actually launch my blog. (See The Reluctant Blogger.)

Earlier, I walked along the various docks, admiring the quirky and unusual houseboats. One looks like a pirate ship. Another is a San Francisco Victorian. A third is a Mississippi riverboat. Here’s one with a large sea serpent (possibly a small dragon) slithering charmingly along its roof.

It’s a setting made for inspiring creative juices to flow. Two houseboats down, a guy is playing his guitar on the dock. It’s a friendly community, and people stop to chat, pet each other’s dogs, and trade news. The resident who recently moved to a nursing home after 35 years on this dock. When they’re finally going to be done refinishing the parking lot. How to get rid of raccoons that lodge under your boat. 

The photos below show where this blog was born.